Spotlight
Book Excerpt
“STEP SOFTLY—A DREAM LIES BURIED HERE.” So read the inscription on this little one’s headstone. He was just eleven months old at his passing, perhaps the embodiment, figuratively and literally, of his parents’ dreams—the dream of having a family, the dream of watching him grow, the dream of loving, lasting relationships in a world of stark contrast. Standing here at the foot of his grave, one sees the cold, harsh evidence of broken dreams and devastated lives. Though it has been years since I worked this child’s case, I think about the words darkly chiseled on that headstone. They reflect a plea to all who walk near his grave to be considerate of who lies deep below, to be cautiously deliberate of where foot shall trod. What remains of flesh and blood, though now dust and dirt, testifies through aching echoes, voiceless testaments, and broken pieces of a real-life dream once full of life and breath, purpose and promise of the future. The hundreds of gravestones surrounding this little one’s stood stony witness to lives lived and lost. Some appeared cold and stark and forlorn, and I wondered if the lives they reflected existed in the same manner. Others, splashed with vibrant colors of flowers, real and plastic, offered lively witness to those who soaked their time on earth in all the vibrant hues of the rainbow. “Step softly, a dream lies buried here”—warm words of heartache permanently etched on the cold marble gravestone marking an infant’s fleeting life. They bemoan a sentinel reminder of what could have been, of what once was but is no longer. Haunting words, they testify of a parent’s long, dark night of despair.
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Comments from Readers
I just finished reading your book and was very impressed; I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that fast. It was very descriptive, and I felt like I was in the room with you as you describe things. I hope you have a best seller on your hands. --Doug, Arizona
I finished your book. I have no words to express how it touched my soul. Your words were so eloquent. Bravo. This is the first book I have not been able to put down since 2015. --Barb, Iowa
Your book came in the mail today. I sat down in the driveway and read the first chapter – really good and can’t wait to read more. --Sam, Florida
Your book is awesome! I absolutely love it. It’s a really fabulous book. I love how you put your personal touch in there. I think it’s a book that all new caseworkers should have to read. I remember when I first got into social work and they made me read “A Boy Called It.” I think your book is the next great one! --Sandra, Texas
I esteem you tremendously for the work you put into this, and I have gotten much more from it that you can imagine, or I can put into words. --Tom, Missouri
I really had no idea what professionals working in this field deal with every day. I have a much stronger appreciation and empathy for people working in this field. --Bill, Kentucky
How the Book Came To Be
The stories in So They Will Be Loved are based on actual events and come from interviews I conducted and cases I investigated over my years as a child abuse investigator. Some license has been taken when presenting dialogue in order to draw out parts of the stories. All names have been removed or fictionalized to protect identities of those involved. Any connection to actual individuals is coincidental.
As a career-cop before I started working within the child welfare system, I thought I had seen it all. Nothing was going to surprise me. I was terribly wrong. Working in the lives of families over a 30–60-day time frame, seeing their pain and ugly situations over several weeks, gave me a much closer and more in-depth view than did my years as a cop where often we were involved in someone’s life for a few minutes to a few hours to a few days.
Initially, my writing began as a way for me to tell their stories in a hopefully compassionate manner and beyond just the social system lingo. Their stories needed to be heard outside "the system." It was also a way for me to personally cope with and process the trauma these children and families endured. It’s difficult to work day in and day out with children who are bruised, broken, neglected, or abandoned. No child deserves this. Children, especially young children, don’t understand why things happened. Some children withdraw or have anger, truancy, and behavioral issues.
It’s equally hard to work with parents who resent your interference, hide the truth, lie, and/or justify their actions based on what they determined was misbehavior from their children.
Add to this the hardship of high caseloads, working alone in dangerous neighborhoods (at all hours of the night and day), trying to help families in crisis, finding support for the problems caused by the Big Three (alcohol/drugs, domestic violence, and mental illness), too few resources, frequent on-call rotations, low pay, overloaded family court dockets, missed time with their own families, and the general inadequacies of the child welfare “system”—and investigator burn out is very real and often results in significant turnover. Secondary trauma (emotional difficulties that can arise when repeatedly listening to the first-hand trauma of others) is a significant reason why many investigators resign from their positions after only a few months to a few years with their agencies.
Putting difficult stories to paper became my therapy for processing secondary trauma—providing a way for me to memorialize their lives, honor their hurts and wounds, search for hope for better tomorrows, and express my own frustrations and ponder unanswerable questions.
Child abuse and neglect exists in every facet of our society, among the rich and poor, across all racial lines, within the ranks of the famous and the unknown, among those with the highest educational degrees and those who didn’t finish school. It occurs in thousands of families across the country and is a far-too-often occurrence. The costs of child abuse and neglect are astronomical. Yet it is one of the least talked about topics across the board. It is the dirty little secret too few are willing to discuss. So They Will Be Loved exposes the secrets of child abuse with the intention to begin and sustain a conversation which will impact the lives and safety of all our children.
Every child deserves to be free from abuse and neglect. Every child deserves love. This book is written so they will be loved.
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